my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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