planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
