She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
