We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize