you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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