Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize