He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
