On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I need to wash the frat house off of me
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
