i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The best revenge is premature balding
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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