Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
