I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
