I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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