whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
