Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I will die if light touches me.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
