i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She's the barista slut.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
