My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
