This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
