Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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