You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
