My first STD was from a foam party
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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