She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize