Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
