I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
