I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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