would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
