I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
