Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
