You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize