Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My liver just had a heart attack.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
