Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize