i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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