yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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