i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize