I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
