I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
