wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
