five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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