weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize