Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
