I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize