it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I cannot find my penis.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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