Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
