I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
