I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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