Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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