I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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