Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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