I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
