His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
