I love black thongs
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
