I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
