I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
