woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
