she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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