my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
no you cant smoke seaweed
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
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