Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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