I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
