I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
