I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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