Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
