Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
