MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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