So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
