but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
