Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
