i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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