I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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