I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Boobs are out for the taking
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
