the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
