we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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