nut hugger
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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