It's Friday. Sex?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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