how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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