I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
