Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
