I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
