I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
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