I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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