Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
