We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
