so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
