Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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