She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
