i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
