Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
