my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
