I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
try to milk me bitch
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