Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You pole danced in your parka.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
