Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The feeling are messing with the penis
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
