Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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