he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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