Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
