my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
