well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
