You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Holy shit dude........stairs
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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