WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
