I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
