You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
