why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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