Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize