I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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