she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
