He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
